It's Lonely At The Centre Of The Earth

Today I read “It’s Lonely At The Center Of The Earth”. I typed this sentence and immediately switched tasks because I just finished it 10 minutes ago and am internally stewing over the struggle of Zoe Thorogood and the reminder that depression is something that isn’t cured or conquered. It is something that you live with and manage every day. The story takes us through events leading up to Zoe’s appearance at a comic con, and then her pursuit of a romantic interest afterward. Along the way, we witness her internal struggle characterized as different versions of herself: a child, an adolescent, a cynical adult, and her Babadook. These are the impressions I got from her internal “struggle”. When these characters are on the page, Zoe is at odds with herself. These aren’t demons for her to battle, but pieces of herself that are trying to rationalize, understand and act during situations where they would be present. This book was tough to get through because of how authentic it represents the struggle of living with depression. Depression isn’t something people ask for. Part of it is passed on. I believe mine was passed on from my mother. The rest from experiences. Essentially the nature vs nurture argument but for depression. Another facet of depression is also having to manage how people perceive you. This is a generational issue that is slowly being dissolved, but for a long time, it was simply not OK to be depressed. Older generations will simply say “get over it” or that it is a phase that will pass. The feeling of depression can subside, allowing us to feel as close to “normal” as we can possibly get. However, much like in the movie “The Babadook”, depression doesn’t go away. It tends to stick around. It can shrink and it can grow out of control if allowed. This is represented by Zoe’s Babadook, which eventually becomes a giant, peering at Zoe from outside, each eye consuming an entire window. Instead of consuming her whole, it helps her realize her truth: She doesn’t want to be happy. I don’t believe this is by intention. She doesn’t know how to be a happy human being. Many of us grew up and weren’t taught how to process emotions and how to be expressive, how to manage sadness and how to live as a happy person. People well into adulthood are just learning how to comprehend and express emotions. I think this is also a generational mold that is being broken over time. It is difficult to work through, but the positive side is that we can teach younger generations how to live and how to work through their thoughts and feelings. Suicide is real. It happens more often than we are willing to think or talk about. We are devastated when it happens. People fall victim to suicide every year. The link between depression and suicide is real as well. It is important to keep up with your depressed friends and family. Depressed people are good actors. We don’t WANT you to know we’re depressed. Much like the One Ring in “The Lord of The Rings”, it is a burden we feel we are responsible for carrying. People will carry this and wear a mask of a “happy human” to be able to thrive in society. If I compartmentalize my depression over here, then I can function over there. This is depicted well during Zoe’s encounter with her long-distance love interest. While the book naturally focuses on her internal struggle, it takes a moment to focus on her potential boyfriend. Eventually, the fantasy of the relationship dissolves when she realizes just how much he is struggling too, seeing herself within him. She goes home and tries to escape in video games and VR and returns to normal life (after her internal clash with the Babadook, also as normal as one can possibly get). At the end, Zoe pushes herself to move forward with her work, managing her inner battles, while adding a touch of humor to keep things from feeling too dark. As tough as this read was, I did enjoy Zoe Thorogood’s “It’s Lonely At the Centre Of The Earth”. Much like the scene with her fling in the states, it is a reminder that depression is a mental illness and there are a large percentage of people who work through it.