Summary
A radical new path to revolutionise your relationships Why are our closest relationships so often a source of more stress than solace? Whether the relationship is with a romantic partner, a parent, a child, a friend or a colleague, the dynamic is so often the same - you'd like the relationship to change for the better, yet nothing you try seems to work. Author of international bestseller How to Do the Work, Dr Nicole LePera has heard frustrating patterns of loneliness, disconnection, and resentment described time and again, both from patients in her clinical practice and from her global online community @the.holistic.psychologist. In this groundbreaking book she offers a new path to healing our relationships by tapping into the power of the heart. How to Be the Love You Seek harnesses the latest scientific research to teach us how to recognise our dysfunctional patterns, identify their roots in our earliest relationships, break painful cycles, build security and share compassion with ourselves and others. Through stories, exercises, journal prompts, and other practical tools, Dr LePera empowers us first to strengthen our foundation of self-love, paving the way for deeper, more harmonious connections with those around us. When you become the love you seek, you have the power to transform every relationship, from your most intimate partnerships to the bonds that hold our communities together.
• « Love, I have learned, is not about showing up in any particular way but about embodying the feeling itself, offering others the support and opportunity to be themselves, exactly as they are. » p6 • « We can begin to embody our authentic Self when we make sure we're meeting our needs. We have three different types of needs: - Physical needs: nutrient-dense foods, nourishing oxygen and wa-ter, adequate rest / restorative sleep, beneficial movement - Emotional needs: to feel safe enough to authentically express ourselves and to connect with and be supported by others - Spiritual needs: to connect with and express our intrinsic pas-sions, purpose, creativity, and imagination Making sure we're consistently getting all these needs met enables us to feel safely grounded and intentional in our responses to the world around us. We're able to feel safe and secure enough to be our authentic Selves within our relationships, which enables us to form authentic connections with others. » p41 « As we learned in chapter 1, childhood trauma includes more than abuse, neglect, incest, rape, and all the other life-altering events typically associated with the term. For many of us, childhood trauma took a subtler shape. Childhood trauma can be any perceived stress that consistently overwhelms our ability to cope with it. If our caregivers were physically or emotionally absent, we were left unable to soothe our emotional overwhelm. If we didn't consistently feel emotionaly safe or were regularly undersupported whenever we faced emotionally upsetting experiences, regardless of how "good" or well-meaning our parent-figures may have been, we stored childhood trauma in our body and mind. » p70